So, this morning, as I was getting ready for school (work), I officially decided it is (1) a scary thing to be a parent and (2) being a parent is probably one of the most scary things I have/ will ever do in my lifetime.
Why you might ask?
As you might know, we have been trying, so far successfully, to get Lucas to sleep in his own crib, which has to be in the living room due to the temperature in his uninsilated room. He has been falling asleep in his own crib for a week now, a WHOLE WEEK. However, he has only slept all night in his crib for 3 nights. Oh well, baby steps, right?
Anyways! Back to why parenting is scary.....
I was very scared this morning because I did not want to wake him up! So I tip-toed around the house getting ready. I was scared that I would wake him up, and then Wes would have to love on Lucas since I have to leave so much earlier than them.
Why else is parenting scary?
I am scared that the "cracker crumbs" Lucas always seems to find on the floor, no matter how clean it is, really aren't cracker crumbs. (But I haven't seen anything coming out the other end to suggest otherwise.)
I live in a constant state of fear when changing his diaper. (Are fear and scared the same thing?) Will he pee on me? Will he poop on me? It has all been known to happen before.
I am scared he will throw up and stain his clothes. (Yes, a weird scared, but a true one for me. Probably why I own so much stain remover.....)
I am scared he will fall and hurt himself.
I am scared I will not know when he is sick (again).
I am scared he will hate me when he gets older.
I am scared I am not raising him the right way.
I am scared he will be a devil child.
I am scared that even as a baby he resents me because I don't get to see him but two hours a day (on a good day). He sees his grandma more than me.
I am scared that I will miss important milestones in his life, such as his first steps, the first time he says more, please!, the first time he says I love you, the first time he runs, the first time he jumps...
I am truely scared I will miss his first steps. He is getting closer every day.
I am scared Lucas will never know how much I love him. (I think this one is a given. You never really know how much your parents love you until you become a parent yourself.)
Hmm...Now the things that I am thankful for:
I am thankful for Lucas' health. We had a rough start, but compared to so many others, we had/have so many things to give thanks about there.
I am thankful that I DO get to spend time with Lucas, even if it is only two hours a day.
I am thankful that Wes is such a good daddy, and good to me.
I am thankful that Lucas goes somewhere everyday that he gets loved on, and played with, and cuddled, and loved on some more!
I am thankful that Lucas has so many people that love and care about him (and us)!
I am thankful that Wes and I both have good role models to raise Lucas as productive members of society, just like our parents did.
I am thankful just to have Lucas and Wes!
So this is my rant....thanks for listening!
Other random tidbits:
March 14--My wedding dress is supposed to come in!
April 12--Bridal Shower--Fort Scott
May 17- Wes' graduation from FHTC
May 17- Wes and Lucas' combination graduation/1st birthday party!!!!
June 27- Rehearsal dinner
June 28- Wedding
June 28/29 Kansas City
June 30-July 5-- Somewhere in the Bahamas!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
You're a fantastic parent! Lucas will not be a devil child, because you've worked in a daycare and you know what signs to look for!
YAY!! You commented!!!! Makes me feel like SOMEONE listens to me :)
Damn... I got excited that there were two comments...but the second (and now third)are from me.
Raising a child (or two or more) is a scary thing.
Stairs are scary, crossing parking lots is scary, everyday I fear (yes, they are the same thing)that the boys biological parents will resent me for someway I parent them. It is scary knowing I have all the hold over their lives. And I am terrified of the day Emmanuel says, "but you're not my mom.". No, I'm not, but I. The one raising you.....
But I think all of the joys definatly outweigh the worries. You're a great mommy. If Lucas doesn't someday resent you for something, that wouldn't be normal. And you want a normal child, right? :). Loves, A
All those things you are worried about...that's what makes you a great mom! If you weren't worried, I would be.
Not to mention...it makes me feel better that you also worry about those things and my baby isn't even here yet.
Post a Comment